Paula (00:01)
Welcome everybody. Today we are going to have a fun and interesting conversation about something that affects all of us riders and our horses. And that's understanding our nervous system. And through that understanding, figuring out how confidence can help our outcomes with our horses, which we could probably all agree on, as well as how do we sort through fear and those that those
more difficult emotions that come up when we're working with our horses. And today I'm joined by Janelle Cameron. We've got Renee Falsenia and Kathy Woods. And they're going to be answering our questions as we move forward. The way this works is each presenter will answer each question. They have three minutes to answer. I have a little alarm that goes off when they have three or after they're three minutes, I just raise my hand.
That lets them know they can wrap up their answer to the question within the next couple minutes. And then we will move on to the next person. So I hope you all enjoy this. And we're going to get started with Renee answering the question, what does emotional regulation look like in practical horsemanship? So Renee, you can go ahead and start us off.
Renae (01:16)
Thank you so much and thanks for having me. I think one of the biggest misconceptions around emotional regulation in horsemanship is that people can think it means becoming emotionless because it's been drilled into us so often to like leave our emotions at the gate, to don't bring bring any of that with us, like or push through, don't let the horse win, just get over it.
And when we hear that on repeat, something happens to our subconscious where we learn to suppress our emotions and we learn to suppress fear, we learn to suppress frustration and overwhelm. But when what happens when we suppress it, it doesn't go away. It actually gets bigger and then it comes out in ways that
usually very pretty. That's me how I know. and we can like explode and it can be over something seemingly really small. But it's not that we're actually reacting to the thing itself. It's that we have all these like things in our subconscious minds going on that that cause this reaction in us. Like most of us weren't taught how to move through our emotions and that it's safe to feel and we can move through them. So then when it comes to our horse experiencing challenges
How can we be that safe place for them if we can't even be it for ourselves? So it can be you know, it can be really easy to feel really calm and zen when everything's going perfectly and horses are responding perfectly and everything's soft and nice and we think
this emotional Jedi. But then what happens when we come again up against a challenge and all of a sudden, our beautiful calm horse turns into this fire-breathing dragon? Or we're at a clinic and we're asking our horse to do something, but they get confused. And then all of a sudden we're spiraling with these thoughts, like, my god.
I feel like I'm behind everyone else. What does my instructor think of me? we're getting all these anxieties come up and we're not responding to our horse in that moment. We're responding to everything that's going on in our heads. And so to me, emotional regulation in practical horsemanship isn't about shutting those emotions down. It's about becoming a centered partner for your horse and developing the ability to feel emotions without being consumed by them.
So it looks like instead of spiralling when your horse gets tense or spooking or they're having struggles, it we become like the anchored place for our horses. And I often describe it as like becoming the eye in the storm. Like there can be all this stuff going on around you, the weather can be chaotic, your horse can be feeling tense, reactive and fearful.
Things might not be going to plan, but instead of getting swept away in the emotions, we become this calm anchor in ourselves. And when nervous system becomes regulated, we breathe differently, we think more clearly, we become more focused, our focus sharpens, our body softens, and we become that that safe place. We stop reacting to the situation or what our horse is doing.
And we start responding, we start being able to feel what our horse needs in that moment. And we can start feeling like we're in this flow state where progress happens naturally.
Paula (04:44)
Great. Thank you, Renee. And I love that because I think it's very easy for us to bury our emotions and not do the work outside of the horse-human relationship. But then when we have a situation where our horse gets emotional or excited, those buried emotions come right up because now our nervous system state isn't in a place where we can bury them anymore. And so therefore we're
We're now reacting in the emotions that we should have maybe taken care of beforehand. And instead of becoming the eye of the storm for the horse, we're just part of the storm. And that's not going to help either one of us. So thank you for that. That was great. All right. Next up we've got Kathy.
Cathy (05:27)
To Renee's point, you can't suppress stuff because what we resist persists. And it's, as you all mentioned already, you know, I call it actually like practicing when the waters are calm, right? Like what we do outside of our horsemanship impacts what we're doing inside of our horsemanship. So to me, as as a author of Yoga for Riders and teacher of of that type of work, a lot of my work is off the mat.
or off the off out of the saddle rather. I call it collection and groundwork for the human. And if we are not practicing our own collection, groundwork, equanimity, nervous system regulation, refining the nervous system, then it's very hard to practice that when the waters are not calm. So my my theory on that would be to again practice when the waters are calm. Don't wait for an intense moment to then try to regulate your
nervous system or your breathing. If we don't know how to do that outside of horsemanship, I believe there's no way we're going to know how to do that inside of horsemanship. And so I feel like the meditation cushion, the yoga mat, whatever your practice is, is a place to hone those skills. So when nervous energy comes up or fear comes up, we can recognize those things, but maybe not be quite as reactive. I'm also an advocate of the saying that
Practice makes permanence. We're not perfect, but practice makes permanence. And the more we practice that, the more we have those tools right there in our back pocket at any time, whether it's in our horsemanship or in a traffic jam or anything else, we have those tools there that we already know how to use. And when you use them long enough and practice them long enough, then they start being available organically with without really having to think about what do I need to do.
you'll naturally find yourself deepening the breath. The other way I feel like to to help help with regulation is present moment awareness. when we start dwelling on some past event, we had this terrible thing happen with our horse last year, or we start projecting into the future of all the quote, what ifs we've come out of the present moment, our horse detects that. We're then
fragmented and scattered in our energy field versus collective, coherent, cohesive. So I guess my answer to that would be, to practice outside of your horsemanship, practice present moment awareness, practice your breathing techniques, mindfulness. And I always say, whether it's on the yoga mat or or at a at a retreat or clinic I'm teaching, when you come out of the moment,
There are two tools that we always have that we can come back to. And one is the breath and one is the bodily sensations. And those two things are always there, right? There's always breath, there's always bodily sensations. And again, it's a matter of practicing to grab onto those tools to have tools in our equestrian wellness toolbox to be able to use in those situations. So that's that's my two cents on regulation. So what we do outside of the saddle.
makes a huge difference what we do in the saddle or even in liberty work and ground
Paula (08:49)
love that groundwork for the human right we've got to get our own selves prepared and with with yoga and with with body work like that there's our our body holds all of the emotions and we've got places that store it within our tissues, our fascia. These things are there. And by utilizing what you're teaching with the yoga, you can get in a position and all of a sudden have emotions arise
But now you're in a place and a space because you're doing your groundwork. So you're in a place and a space where you can work through it and navigate it in a way where we're not affecting our horse. And then, like you were talking about the persistence, now we're now we're developing tools so that and creating patterns and habits within ourselves and in within our way of dealing with uncomfortable emotions or situations. We're able to work through that. And then when that comes up with our horse, guess what?
We've got them right there and ready for us. So thank you for that. Great, great tips and tools, Kathy. Okay, Janelle.
Janelle (09:53)
Well, I think that was a great introduction to what I wanted to talk about. I primarily work with riders' bodies as well. I'm a strength coach. And so speaking to the physical side and how our emotions and our nervous system affect our bodies, a big thing for me and a lot of my riders is when we first start getting emotional, when we get into that fight flight nervous system, we lose our bodies. And so
We lose our ability to feel, we lose where we're our hands are. All of a sudden our hands are doing things that we didn't even know our hands could do and our feet are doing maybe bumping or doing something completely out of control. And we lose our seat and get unbalanced physically. and so a big part of staying emotionally regulated for me is also staying in our bodies and staying physically balanced and stable. And so part of
Staying grounded and balanced and stable mentally and emotionally goes back to that centered physically. and if I can stay grounded or stable physically, that helps with my mental and emotional state too. So I always tell my riders it's really easy to get discouraged when we start to struggle or our horses start to struggle. And so I always say, like, struggle is allowed. Like,
In our lifestyles right now, everything is supposed to be easy. And I really don't think that applies to horsemanship very good because if you've got a horse, you're gonna have times where you're unsure about yourself, your horse is unsure, and then you're not sure who's more unsure. And so it can get really tricky, but being able to stay grounded, knowing where your feet are, if you're doing groundwork, knowing where your feet are on the ground, if you're riding, knowing where your feet are in your stirrup, knowing where your seat bones are, where your seat is.
Is it in a nice neutral position that if your horse does something, you can stay in the middle of them? And then to add to like love the idea of practicing in a nice, calm, stable environment, but going into like workouts, they are a great opportunity to practice this stuff with a little bit of extra hard, right? So being able to, can you pick something up? We were talking before we hit record. Can you pick something up and still breathe?
Or where in your everyday life are you like getting in your truck and holding your breath? all those moments are gonna play into your ride and all your ride moments are gonna play back into your life. So where can you practice these things without being on your horse? Like Kathy said, doing that groundwork for yourself can be great ways to practice and get better that when you do show up for your horse, you really are showing up in your most balanced
as possible for you in that moment state, both physically and mentally and emotionally.
Paula (12:42)
I really like the idea of do some hard things, you know? So you're talking about get in the gym and work out in a way where it's a little bit difficult and you're getting out of your comfort zone because our horses are going to put us there anyway, right? And so we get
Janelle (13:00)
Yeah, it doesn't have to be the gym either. Even in your basement, wherever you are, that you can work out and challenge yourself a little bit, your body a little bit, is yeah, I think huge.
Paula (13:11)
Yeah, I think so too. And I think also bringing it into everyday life, like you said. So when you're in your car, are you is your focus really hard? Well, that tells you your nervous system state is probably looking for danger. It or can you be there with a soft focus and be aware of your surroundings and breathe? And these are all such simple things. being aware of what our hands are doing in everyday life and our feet and our seat. Are we sitting in our car in a balanced way? So I like
I like that idea of even if you're really busy, you can still work this into life in general. And I think that's so important because it's easy to make excuses. So let's just go ahead and try to find places and spaces where we can get the things done that need to get done so that when we're coming to our horse, we've already done what Kathy said, our own groundwork. So now we're coming from a much better place and we can offer our horses so much more. So
Yeah, thank you for that, Janelle. So now the next question, and Kathy's gonna lead us off with this one, is what do you notice most often in horses and riders who are stuck in fear or anxiety loops?
Cathy (14:21)
Good question also. we hear a lot in horsemanship the word mirroring. I don't love that word. I like to think of it more as horses are responding to our inner landscape. So if our inner landscape is fearful and anxious, that's what our horse is responding to. Are we coming to them in a collected manner?
Or are we coming to them again in that fearful manner? And the other thing that comes to mind with this question is the acronym fear that I I teach about. It's false evidence appearing real. So it's very important to discern: is your fear real evidence appearing real or is it false evidence appearing real? So what that looks like is I'm an avid backcountry trail rider. So I'm riding along, riding along, and I see a rattlesnake on the trail.
And I don't want to step on that snake. That's real fear. That's real evidence appearing real. The other fear that keeps us stuck in the anxiety loop is the fear acronym, false evidence appearing real. All the what ifs. I'm going into the arena, I'm going on a trail ride, I'm competing. All the, well, this could happen, that could happen, I could wreck my trailer, I could step on a snake, I could fall off my horse. And we do get caught up in that loop. And I think.
mindfulness is the key, discerning, again, taking it outside of horsemanship, getting used to that, being an observer of our thoughts and not necessarily reacting to every thought and taking that beat, that pause to say, is this real evidence appearing real? Or is this false evidence appearing real? And when it's false evidence appearing real, what I like to do is thank my mind for its opinion and come back to the breath, come back to the body.
Come back to the present moment because we can just get caught up in that loop, I think, of you know, old triggers that come up and and reminding ourselves, be in the present moment. That happened last time I was on my horse. That doesn't mean it's going to happen this time on my horse. So just, you know, being realistic and and discerning. But that all comes from mindfulness because when we're kind of spinning out control, it's very hard.
to to gather and collect our thoughts. And it is easy to get caught up in that that loop. present moment awareness, discerning what's pertinent and and knowing where and when to listen to your inner voice. You know, you talked a little bit before about the, I think Ren Janelle mentioned it, about challenges. I'm also an advocate of setting up healthy challenges for ourselves, doable challenges. And that can also help inch the needle forward, moving us out of that fear and anxiety loop.
something that we feel is attainable. So not setting the bar so high, but setting it as something attainable. So we start to, to build that confidence. And I know we're going to talk a little about that later on. But yeah, I think, discern real evidence appearing real or is your fear false evidence appearing real? And I think a lot of times it is. And again, everything I use the word horsemanship, you can use the word lifemanship, right? Because these are all things that are applicable to
anything and every everywhere we can get caught up in that loop, whether we're going on a trip or, you know, we're we're trying something new. So just really listening to our inner voice and and discerning what's pertinent.
Paula (17:50)
Excellent. Yeah. Thank you, Kathy. And I love the fear acronym and then the idea coming back to your mindfulness and your breathing and those sorts of things because we are only going to be acting in or reacting to a situation in the nervous system state that we're in. It's impossible for us, if we are in a state of fear, to act in
A nervous system state that would be calm. And the fear state is going to give us options that are related to that nervous system state. Whereas calm is going to give us options that look very different from the options we see when we are in that fear state. And it's so important, Kathy, like you were saying, to come back to the mindfulness and the groundwork that we do.
off of our horses because horsemanship is lifemanship. They teach us so much about ourselves and I love how they cause us to show up in better and better ways through the lessons that we learn through our horsemanships. Janelle, I'm gonna have you go next.
Janelle (19:00)
Yeah, I love the lifemanship thought, Kathy. everything we do off our horses affects our riding or how we show up with our horses. When I think of what I notice most, I'm gonna talk specifically to riders and their bodies, everyone kinda has their own tension patterns and ways that they physically show up when they are feeling afraid or nervous or
feeling that anxiety. And so the way we brace and tense through our bodies can really give us a lot of valuable information. And so being able to pay attention to like what part of your body is tensing right now. So is it your lower back? Is it your feet and ankles, which are primary stabilizers that we often forget about? Is it your hips? Can you still separate your hip from your pelvis and from your torso when we're in that
Fear state, oftentimes our muscles will tense up more than they need to, and all of a sudden you can't sit that lope because your butt's just smacking in the saddle because your joints aren't free and loose to move and open and go with your horse. Another big thing is like Kathy mentioned breathing. So many riders hold their breath. and I think that's a super common thing. Like, my coach is always telling me to breathe. And it's like, okay, like great, but how can you practically apply that? Like
Take that information and use it, whether it's in your everyday life or in your riding, and be like, okay, I for me a really good tool for me to help get my rib cage in a better position, to help settle my nerves. If I'm like for me right now, it's going to a branding where there's a whole bunch of different people that I don't know around. And so how can I use my breath in that moment? I'm gonna take a nice long exhale and settle myself, and then I'm naturally just going to inhale again.
So practically apply it. The other thing I want to say on the topic of fear is that fear is there for a reason. Like Kathy said, there's the r real fear and the fear that we maybe make up in our minds. But when it comes to that, build your skills, whether that's physical skills so that you can ride the loop better or ride that spook or ride the trip better, or if it's mental skills or nervous system skills, no one can really I don't think.
No one can tell you exactly what it is that you need in the moment. So you have to dig deep and be like, okay, did I emotionally get fearful because I almost fell off? That's a real fear. So, okay, let's work on your body. Or is it something where it's like, okay, this is something that my mind is telling me is something to be afraid of and I don't really need to be. Do I need to work on those mental skills? So kind of taking moments.
To be like, okay, what is it that I need right now? And that's gonna change depending on what part of your journey you're on. Maybe it's like, okay, I really need to focus on the mental side. And then all of a sudden you get a new horse that moves bigger or differently. And then you have to work on those physical skills more. So going back to just wrapping up the question is what I notice most in riders' bodies is that tension and those brace patterns.
And so from my perspective, working on those physical elements to really help you settle into being able to physically ride your horse better can really help with that fear and anxiety.
Paula (22:21)
Great. Thank you, Janelle. And I think that those that that tension that we hold in our body is in all our life all the time. So, you know, do you do you clench one particular fist over the other as you're walking? When you're walking, do you feel like your back is holding, you know, in one place over the other? So I I really like that idea of sorting through what's going on in every d you know, in everyday life and f and figuring that out so that we can feel that with our horses.
And then I also think that it's so important for riders to be physically fit enough to be doing the things that is required for horseback riding, especially for riding, you know, trots, canners, jumping, or doing a branding. These sorts of things are going to require certain movements and strengths in our own body. And if we don't work on that off the horse, it's very unfair to have the horse.
be there having to compensate for our own body just not being able or capable to do the things that we'd like to do on our horses. And I I think that's such a a great encouragement for people to work on those things off the saddle. And then you're coming to the ride more equipped. And when you're more equipped, the fear is less. And so yeah, that was great. Thank you.
Janelle (23:42)
Yeah, and I just wanna add attention isn't a bad thing, it's just giving you information about what's going on.
Paula (23:47)
I love that. I love that because it's so easy to judge these things in our body. And really it's just information. And the same goes for our horses. When our horses are acting in any particular way, they're communicating and giving us information about what's going on with them. So these concepts apply to our horses, just like when you're talking about where's the tension being held in your own body? Well, where's the tension being held in your horse's body? Because this is all
information for us then to work with and and come up with a plan. Cool. Okay. So Renee, I'm gonna have you go ahead.
Renae (24:21)
Thank you. Those answers were brilliant. So such good information. So what I find often when writers are like stuck in that anxiety loop and it's like the anxiety stays there like long after the event has passed, that's a sign that there's something deeper going on. There's something deeper going on and usually it's like a subconscious limiting beliefs that's holding them back. And
like what Kathy said about the false evidence appearing real when we're not actually in that moment, like we're not in a place where our our safety is compromised in that moment. And yet we are experiencing all this tension in a in our bodies. It means that there is something else going on. And it's not a bad thing. And like we all experience fear from time to time. And
I actually think of it like, imagine if you had a metal detector and it's like you're looking for gold and when the buzzing goes off, a lot of people like want to shut it down. So you're feeling that fear in the moment and you're like, no, no, I shouldn't be feeling this. I'm wrong for feeling this and you want to shut it down. But if you listen to it and you got curious about it and you realize underneath the surface, there's a little nuggie of gold under there, all of a sudden you can transform it. And
There is so much value for you there. And so when I find myself hitting a new like wall, like I've come up against a challenge and I'm feeling this, my gosh, okay, like all of a sudden I'm feeling stuck again. I don't fear it anymore. I celebrate it because I know there's just something else like I'm about to uncover. And once I I'm aware of it, I can transform it.
And then it becomes like a superpower propelling you forward. So, the interesting thing is that most people aren't consciously aware of the beliefs they're carrying. They're just experiencing the symptoms of what they cause. So the beliefs like I'm not safe, I can't cope, I can't trust myself, I'm not good enough, they're not consciously
thinking I'm thinking those things. They're experiencing overthinking, catastrophizing, thinking of the worst possible situation, tightness in the body and constantly anticipating that something bad's gonna happen. And it's actually because of the underlying beliefs that are creating the loop in thoughts that result in us creating the same patterns over and over.
So, for example, you can have two riders having the same situation. On a trial ride, their horse spooks and one horse one rider might feel like, goodness, that shook me in the moment, but then they go, okay, I'm safe, I know how to deal with this, I can help my horse come back to softness and so they experience in their body, they're feeling calm and collected, they know what to do, they're focused, they're thinking clearly. And then an another rider can experience the exact same thing, but
all of a sudden they're making it mean I'm not safe. I can't trust my horse. I can't trust myself. This could happen again at any moment. And from that moment the nervous system starts bracing and our horses are picking up on that tension. And then our horses start reacting and it becomes like a self fulfilling prophecy.
Because our horses are picking up on that tension and then we're like, see, I knew I had a reason to be scared, but it's just that we're creating the same patterns over and over again. And so if deep down I believe I'm unsafe, your brain will constantly scan the environment trying to believe that to prove that belief is true. Understanding when you're stuck in a pattern is really exciting because the awareness of it is really powerful.
And it means that you can you can heal it and you can change it. If it's coming to your awareness, it means you're ready to heal it. And I I see people like saying, Well, I'm just a nervous person or and maybe like I'm too sensitive for horses. And it's that's not it at all. Like these people are incredibly capable and a lot of us just have old subconscious programming that's running our minds, our thoughts.
And our emotions that lead to those actions. And the wonderful thing is that we can change them. And when we update those beliefs, it changes the way we think, it changes our emotions. It changes the clarity of our actions and being coherent for our horses. And then eventually we create an entirely different experience with our horses and an entirely different life. So I think people can beat themselves up often thinking there's something wrong with them, but
And ninety five percent of our thoughts come from our subconscious mind. So when we go into our subconscious and we rewire it, we're gonna more naturally have thoughts that are in alignment. If you change that belief to I'm not enough, to I am enough, you're gonna have more empowering thoughts. And so it's easier to to change them when we get to the root cause instead of trying to beating yourself up for having them in the first place.
Paula (29:32)
Yay, thank you for that, Renee. That's great. And I love the, use the metal detector when you feel these things coming up. And there's a gold nugget in there. So get curious. Curiosity is so important and that reframes the entire situation for ourselves. So then then we uncover that gold nugget. And now it's an opportunity for transformation, which is
what we're all looking for. So what a what a cool explanation of that. Thank you. That was great. Okay. So Janelle, you're going to lead us off for this question. How can people begin rebuilding confidence after a difficult experience?
Janelle (30:07)
I love this question because I feel like as horse people, this is just a part of being a horse person as we go through cycles of feeling confident and then losing confidence and getting confidence and losing confidence. and so from my perspective, my answer would be get in your body, feel what your body feels like, gain awareness, build some strength, build some coordination, work on that balance and stability. so that when you want to be a confident rider.
you want to be able to ride that spook, that trip, that lope, whatever it is, the bird jumps out of the bush, the snake's on the trail, something happens, right? We can't control those things. But if you can get in your body and get your body feeling more comfortable, you can help work on that nervous system, work on that mindset. So if your mind knows that your body is going to fall off, that's probably like the most dramatic end. But maybe your mind knows that your body isn't the most athletic.
Either and it can't ride that force around that barrel, it can't ride that big stop, whatever it is, you're not going to be able to convince your mind that you can do it. And so being able to create a body that can do those things can really help the mindset side of confidence too. And like just this thought of if I say trust your body, like what feeling comes up for you? Is it like, yeah, I do? Or is it, my gosh, my body, I can trust it?
Right. So having a body that you can trust, a body that you can use in ways that you want to use it can be super helpful in building confidence. And then going back to that fear and anxiety loop thing too is if you can work on those tension patterns so that you can feel your horse better. There's a quote, I can't remember what book it is right now, but it's one of my favorites because a tense rider can't feel their horse and a tense horse can't feel their rider. So
working on those tension patterns so that you can feel your horse, feel those braces in your horse, the tension patterns in your horse, so that you can address them before they're a big problem can also really help your confidence. So okay, you feel your horse starting to pick that shoulder up to spook it, whatever the thing is, like you can feel that lift and address it before it's a big full on runoff across the pasture kind of thing. So
I really think getting in your body and being able to feel your body, being able to use your body to feel your horse and being able to use your body to ride all the things that you want to be able to ride on your horse is super key for that confidence piece. And then also don't do it alone. for me that was so huge. I was trying to work on all these pieces all by myself. But whether that's getting some mental support, whether that's getting a physical coach.
doing some yoga, whatever it is, even just like finding a community of people and reaching out to like, Hey, do you want to go on a trail ride with me? Like that's so good for your nervous system is like connecting with other people and getting them to go with you instead of just trying to do it by yourself.
Paula (33:13)
Great, great answer. And I I love the idea of community and extra support. And that's really what the horse fare is about. It's about supporting you because we're all different and we're going to all need somebody to say it just slightly differently so that we can hear it and we can take it in. And now we've got more information. And now we're able to come to our horses feeling more confident. I also like the idea of if you the the nervous rider or tense rider can't feel their horse and the
The tense horse can't feel their rider because we talk a lot about when we're riding our horses and working with horses to catch things early and catch things at the thought so that now we can shape the situation rather than just reacting to it. And we can't do that if we are tense because we're not going to be aware of all those little nuances and all those little communications that our horse is giving us that's letting us know.
They're feeling uncomfortable or something's not right. And this is all information. And if we can take in the information, now we can adapt our response to what we're getting. And then we feel more confident. And then that grows. So that's that's great. Thank you, Janelle. Okay, Renee.
Renae (34:23)
Thank you. I think one of the most important things to understand when you're rebuilding your confidence after a difficult experience is that we've been saying, it starts way before you ever go out to your horse. It starts before you're going out to the paddock, like long before you get there. It starts with the relationship you have with yourself, the thoughts you're thinking.
before you go out there, the story that you keep repeating in your own mind. And after something difficult, whether it's a fall or an accident or a frightening experience, or maybe even it's just like you've been feeling and stuck in a pattern. it's normal to feel for you. You're human. Your mind's working to protect you. And often people think, I I should be over this by now
Or other people bounce back faster than me, what's wrong with me, or I'm not cut out for this. But coming back to that confidence doesn't happen through beating yourself up and it doesn't come through this self-judgment. It happens through having compassion and understanding for yourself. So we naturally know how to do this. If you notice a little kid that's injured or, you know, like they're learning to ride a bike and they've fallen off and their confidence is shaken. You would never go up to them and say like
Well, it's just because you're not cut out for this. And yet we say that to ourselves. So if you can think of yourself like how would I actually be talking to a kid in this moment or someone I love or my best friend and notice like if I wouldn't say it to them, why am I saying it to myself? Because that's not gonna be the thing that moves you out of it. if you're beating yourself up, that's actually gonna keep you in a shame spiral.
And you can't get out of it from there. So just having this loving awareness and acceptance, it's okay. this is how we learn. We make mistakes. And we do this funny thing where we're like, it seems like we get to a certain age and we forget like we're still learning. we get to a certain age and we think, I should know this by now. Like I've been at this horse thing for years. Like I should know it. Like
Well, how am I better than this? And we don't realise this is a lifelong journey. we are always learning. And if we are lucky enough to be continually learning, we're gonna be making mistakes and like that's a beautiful thing. That's how we learn, that's how we grow. Stop beating yourself up is like my number one thing. Start bringing compassion to yourself. And I think confidence truly starts to rebuild when we stop fighting ourselves. Like
Or beating ourselves up for where we are. There's this quote that I love, and I can't remember exactly who said it, but the curious paradox is when I accept myself exactly as I am, then I can change. And so if you can stop making yourself wrong for being fearful and feel like you're enough exactly where you are, that's the point where growth can happen. And that's the part when we can move forward. And I like the one thing that I really want to
get across is never underestimate how quickly things can change. Once you realize how powerful your mind is, when you realize that you can reprogram your subconscious mind, shifts can happen so quickly. And people who have felt like maybe they've never even truly felt confident or they're feeling like I can never feel comfort again.
They can find more trust and joy and freedom and confidence than they've ever experienced in their entire lives, even before an accident. So yeah, I just want more people to know that.
Paula (38:02)
Great message and it allows us to have more compassion for ourselves, like you were talking about in the beginning, to our situation when we're experiencing something that's very difficult and understanding that by all the learning that takes place going through it with curiosity and with self-compassion, we can now experience so much more in our journey. And it makes our journey so much richer because of where we've been. So yeah, I think that's that's
So important for people to understand because it's so easy when you're in a difficult situation or a fearful situation with your horse. It's so easy to feel like that's where you're going to be living now. And really it's not. It's actually an opportunity. It's a gold nugget, like you were talking about before. And we're gonna come out so much better. So thank you. All right, Kathy.
Cathy (38:54)
Yeah, those were all great answers. And I want to tap a little bit on on all of that. I work with a lot of people who are rebuilding confidence. I work with a lot of mature writers, rewriters. I do a program called Ageless Writing because one of the things that happen is as we age, and I'm of a certain age, things change. Your balance, your equilibrium, your strength, your focus, your confidence, your margin for error shrinks.
I think we associate a lot of times confidence with something bad happened in our horsemanship and now we have to rebuild that. But sometimes confidence can diminish for a lot of other reasons as well. I think it it's really important again to to stay in good shape, as Janelle said. That's one physical thing that makes us feel confident. And and that's why I'm I'm a big advocate of focusing on strength, flexibility, balance. because when you feel good and you feel strong,
That in and in itself builds our confidence. When we feel mentally strong, when we feel mentally collected and that we have some tools, that also builds confidence. The other thing I'd like to talk about too is our pace. we should not be comparing ourselves on the yoga mat or in our horsemanship or anywhere else and really work with where you are at the moment, be accepting of that and work mindfully from that place towards your goals. Work slowly.
The programs that I do, I'm working with people in very, very incremental ways. And a lot of time that's that starts off the horse. Build that mental muscle, build that physical muscle, work slowly. But I think also to stop and celebrate our moments when we do accomplish something and we have overcome, even if it's the littlest bitty thing, because baby steps count, right? And just stopping and celebrating ourselves, wow, I just did that.
For example, I might have someone come to a program that hasn't been on a horse in years or they just got a hip replacement and now they're getting on their horse with a new body. And it's like just getting on that horse was something to celebrate. They didn't have to go do the whole two-hour trail ride. So I think it's just so important to stop, celebrate ourselves, celebrate our moments. And also
Paula (41:12)
No, it looks like Kathy disappeared. She her internet isn't working so well, she said. And so I I really like the ideas that she was touching on though, because we can very easily just gloss over all the little wins that we're getting with ourselves and with our horses. And it's so essential and so important to be celebrating ourselves and celebrating all those little accomplishments. What we focus on grows.
So if we're focusing on all the wins and all the good times and all the good moments, now that's going to start growing. Kathy's back. It's good to have you back, Kathy. We were just talking about how it's so cool that you're talking about celebrating the wins because that's so important and it's so easy to just move on. So if you want to continue off of because I think that's about where we left off. and Yeah.
Cathy (42:08)
so also celebrating the moments, yes, very, very important to celebrate ourselves and and who we are and just having the the courage and to show up, because showing up is sometimes half the half the battle. I want to talk a little bit too about what Renee said about acceptance. I think acceptance is wonderful. We have to accept where we are now and again work mindfully that from that place. But I also a lot of times see acceptance and complaints.
complacency getting mixed up. So I think it's important also just to discern am I getting complacent or am I acceptance? When I'm in acceptance, I'm saying, okay, I can, I'm capable today of doing this, this, this with my horse. And that's enough. That's more complacency. Acceptance is more like, well, this is where I am, this is what I can do today. But I still want to move toward that goal, but I'm going to do it with a gracious attitude of acceptance.
From working from where I am mindfully, because that's the only realistic place we can work from. So again, just kind of being clear that acceptance doesn't spill over to complacency and we just kind of give up. I think that's important too. And again, just you know, awareness practice, awareness practice, awareness practice. I always say, what is yoga? It's not strength, it's not about flexibility, it's not about balance, it's an awareness practice. What makes a good writer?
Yeah, things like skill and practice and balance and all that helps and it's great, but it's also an awareness practice. So I think when we can use these different arenas of our lives as awareness practices, then we can also more s confidently step into our own confidence when we're aware we're present and we feel like we have that equestrian wellness toolbox to pull from.
Paula (43:57)
Think that all of these answers are speaking very much to our community, which is, I would say, primarily women riders over 40. It's bigger and broader than that. But that whole idea of stepping into a different phase of our lives where our bodies aren't exactly the same as they used to be. And therefore, we need to become aware of the changes that are occurring and then pull from, like you said, the the toolbox.
And the toolbox, we start filling it with all of these things, mindfulness, strength training. We work on our nervous system. We work on the yoga mat. We're pulling in these tools. And and so therefore, even though maybe we are not exactly where we were three years ago, five years ago, 10 years ago, we have tools and those allow us to even become more and do more than we had back then because we've been building our toolbox. So
That's a that's a great message. Thank you, Kathy. So what we're going to do is we are going to have you all wrap up with closing comments. And Janelle, I'll have you start. And just as a reminder, the panel was confidence fear in the nervous system for both yourself and your horse. So any last ideas on that.
Janelle (45:14)
I guess my last idea is just that you can't separate mindset, body, and nervous system emotion. Like they're all so connected. And so no matter what piece you kinda need to work on, they're all gonna impact your confidence and that feeling of fear or anxiety. And so don't ignore your body and its needs. And whether that's creating more balance, more strength, or just feeding and fueling it.
Or we can go through the whole holistic wellness track of hormones and on and on, but finding what your body needs and really taking care of it and giving it what it needs, it's really gonna impact how you show up for your horse and showing up as your best self.
Paula (45:59)
Excellent. Thank you for that. Okay, Renee.
Renae (46:01)
Think I'd just like to wrap with saying if you've noticed yourself in this discussion and you've thought, yes, I've been feeling that way and you realize there's something deeper going on, that subconscious support is available for you. And once you do that deep inner work, it's like you stop fighting yourself. And so
It can be hard when we get stuck in a loop where we're like, I know I'm thinking thoughts that aren't constructive and they're not helping me. But once you get to the root cause of why that's happening, we heal it at the root and then there's no need for those those thoughts. It's not like we we never have an intrusive thought again, but we know how to move through it. And and if you found yourself like battling yourself, there's an easier way and supports available.
Paula (46:51)
Great. Thank you, Renee. And Kathy.
Cathy (46:53)
Yes. Well, I'm a believer that there's unity in community. And I know it's cliche, but teamwork does make the dream work. Surrounding yourself with supportive people, with like-minded people, I think is is really important. Someone one at once asked me what was the most important piece of advice I got in horsemanship. And I thought back, and it was an old cowboy friend of mine, and he said, It matters who you ride with. And at first I thought, wow, that's such a snobby answer, you know, matters who you ride with.
But I I understand what that means now. And that means it matters who you surround yourself with, not only who you ride with in your horsemanship, but who you're riding with in your life as well matters. and you know, something I want people to to realize too that restrictions in our bodies and our minds restrict our horses. So there's the interconnectedness piece. There's understanding innately, not just as a mind concept.
that the same life force energy that's flowing through me is flowing through each of you, is flowing through nature, is flowing through our horses, interconnecting us all through prana, through life force energy, whatever you want to call that energy. So being aware of interconnectedness, being deliberate in who you surround yourself with, I'm gathering in communities such as this. And I just want to leave you all with self-care is the best investment you can make in yourself.
And that can spill over again into I think anywhere and everywhere. So take care of yourself because no one's gonna do it for you. And your horse will appreciate that you have done your groundwork in collection.
Paula (48:32)
So good. What a great way to wrap this up. And I would like to just thank all of you for being here today and for the beautiful messages that you are putting out into the world and into the community. The Art of the Horseman, our our goal is to make the world a better place. And we're doing it in our little corner of horses and horsemanship. But like we had touched on earlier, horsemanship's lifemanship. And when we show up as better people, we make
the whole environment around ourselves better and that that effect ripples out. And I think our conversation here today gave people a lot of tools to show up as better, better people for both themselves, their horses, and others surrounding them and therefore the worlds. So thank you so much.
